I Have a Voice

I learned a long time ago that there are many choices that must be tackled every day. Some of them come naturally, for example how much creamer to put in the coffee cup. Personally I like coffee with my cream and sugar, not the other way around. Every day. Many decisions. Over. And over. And over. And over. It is exhausting. It is hard for me to relax. My mind is always going a 100 miles a minute. If I sit down "to relax" I feel guilty and think I should be doing something productive with my time. At what point in my life did I "unlearn" relaxing? My daugher, Melanie, is 3 years old. True to form she is a busy body. Literally. Spring is here and she enjoys being outside as much as I do. Melanie enjoys discovering and doing. She helps me relax in a busy-body kind of way. I love her dearly. My husband, Matt, is the king of relaxing. He becomes a busy-body when I am not here or unable to help. He is a rock. Seeing Melanie and him together is amazing. I have worked hard at jobs since I was 14 years old. I've been saving for retirment since I was 20 years old. I am an old soul in a 37 year old body. I am a loyal, hard-working, intelligent, emphathetic, sincere, and giggly co-worker. I sincerely care about what I do for a living and the people that give as much as I do to making the world a better place. Each step in my career is meant to better myself, challenge myself, and force myself beyond what I think I can do. When I have tried to slow down and create a world for me to relax in, it doesn't work. Everthing backfires. I need to be constantly busy to relax. That is relaxing for me. It is harder and not for everyone. I am honest enough with myself to realize that is what I need. I do have a voice in my future.